Coping Strategies
The following coping mechanisms may be helpful in dealing with pedophilia.
Denial
Many of us went through a stage of denial when we first began to sense that we might be attracted to children. A similar response is to just ignore it. My pedophilia simmered in the background during the 25 years of my first marriage. This can work for those of us who have some attraction to adults. Denial is not the best way to deal with pedophilia, but it can serve as a temporary "fix."
Peer-Support Groups
The internet has brought easy access to inappropriate materials, but it has also opened the way for anonymous peer-support groups. I have benefited most from my participation in Virtuous Pedophiles, which was established more than ten years ago for minor-attracted people who are committed to not offending. VirPed now has more than 8,000 members. Many members find all the support they need by participating in the on-line discussion forums.
Those who want additional support can call or e-mail me (or other trusted group members). I can provide a referral if they want in-person therapy.
Mindfulness
When inappropriate thoughts come to my mind, I use mindfulness to acknowledge the feelings of the moment and then let them float away naturally. Trying to fight thoughts is like trying not to think about the red monkey--that's all you can think about.
Meditation
Meditation is a great follow-up to mindfulness. Some people try to empty their mind but for me it works better to fill my mind with good thoughts. I often use scripture promises or other positive quotations. I also find that physical activity that takes concentration (such as playing a game or riding bikes) takes my focus off the intrusive thoughts.
Masturbation
There is a difference of opinion among both minor-attracted people and mental health professionals in regard to masturbating to fantasies involving children. I choose to avoid masturbation altogether. Some seek to avoid fantasies involving children because they see it as a slippery slope that can lead to harming children. Other minor-attracted people use masturbation as a relief valve to avoid acting out with a real child. For those who are exclusively attracted to children, this may be their only outlet, but they should make sure any images they use are legal in their jurisdiction.
Spirituality
We need all the support we can get and those who are religious should avail themselves of spiritual resources, including prayer and fellowship with other believers.
Spending Time with Children
Some MAPs rightfully decide that they should never be around children, while others of us find that spending time with children helps us to see them as real people rather than sex objects. One member of VirPed developed his own Guide to Safely Interacting and Working with Children.
Therapy
If you choose to participate in professional therapy, this is what you can expect:
• You should be treated professionally with respect.
• The therapist will not impose his/her values on you.
• You should be able to call first and ask questions until you are comfortable.
• You may be required to provide personal information.
• Limits to confidentiality must be carefully explained.
• The therapist should help you avoid sharing reportable information.
• The therapist may charge standard fees for appointments.
See also: Ethical Therapy and Techniques.
Aversion Therapy
I do not recommend aversion (or conversion) therapy because it proved to be harmful in attempts to change a person's sexual orientation.
Chemical Castration
Some MAPs do choose chemical castration. I would encourage you to try Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) before using the stronger androgen blockers. SSRIs are easily obtained for depression and have a side effect of reducing libido. It may help to turn down the volume.
Physical castration is an even more extreme and permanent measure that should not be taken without serious consideration under the supervision of a physician.
How You Can Help
Family, friends, professionals and society at large can help people with pedophilia live without abusing children.
Understand and Use Correct Terminology
A pedophile is a person who has an ongoing sexual interest in prepubescent children at least five years younger than themselves.
A minor-attracted person (MAP) is an adult who is sexually attracted to people under the age of consent.
A child molester is a person who has had any kind of sexual interaction with a child under the age of consent.
Child pornography is also referred to as child sexual abuse material (CSAM) or child sexual exploitation material (CSEM).
Most scientists view pedophilia as a sexual orientation, which becomes pedophilic disorder if the person acts on the attraction or is distressed by it.
Don't Make False Assumptions
Don't assume that every minor-attracted person will inevitably molest a child.
Do not treat all MAPs as ticking time bombs or monsters waiting to abuse children.
Do Make it Easier for MAPs to Seek Help
If a friend or family member discloses their attraction to you, provide support and encouragement. Hatred only drives the issue under cover.
Change mandatory reporting laws that inhibit MAPs from seeking professional help.
Evaluate risk of abuse on an individual basis. Allow trustworthy MAPs to spend time around children, generally with other adults present.